Going crazy with anxiousness, I have about 50 days to go. Although I spent much time complaining, this has been a pretty easy pregnancy as I've had no complications and baby Cameron seems to be growing and developing just fine.
However, in addition to his growing little body... so is my very big body. I'm nearly freaking out at the fact that I will gain about 8 more pounds before this over and to be honest I am not quite sure where those additional 8 pounds will fit. I am simply out of room. I made the mistake of closely inspecting myself in the mirror last night, actually, it was by accident but then turned into an hour long inch by inch check of my boobs, belly, butt and thighs. I spotted the inkling of a stretch mark on my outer thigh and nearly had a heart attack right there in my closet which would have been horrible since I'd made every effort to block both entrances so that no one walked in and saw my very pregnant and almost naked body. Needless to say, I've rubbed down in coco butter lotion four times today. Before long my skin will be so soft stretchy that stretch marks or not, I've blown every chance at having a firm part on my body. Damned if I do, Damned if don't. I don't have time for stretch marks! It'll be trying enough to fit back into my old clothes and dammit I want to fit in those clothes. I'd just gotten comfy in those clothes before finding out I was pregnant, some are still very new! I know that in the grand scheme of things, this miracle of life I'm growing is worth it all but I still want to be me after he's born. At the end of the day when he, Grace and Maddie are asleep in their beds after a long day of playing and smiling, I want to be able to look in my mirror and like my ass again! I'd be pretty darn happy if my husband liked it too although not too much because I'm sure I'll be tired after a day with three kids! :)
I went shopping today with my mom and sisters. It's their 18th birthday and they're going out tonight with a bunch of friends. I swear, I have never been more jealous! I absolutely wanted to try on clothes with them. I wanted to buy those shirts for myself and while I bought two pairs of shoes yesterday I won't even be able to wear them for another 2 months!
I'd really like to have a drink right now too. A rajun bull from Daiquiris would make my day. In the spirit of being a good pregnant mom, I'll prolong that drink and those risky shoes for about 50 more days.
So while my thoughts are of being thinner, having a really strong drink and wearing high heels again... I am doing MY best to be the best for Cameron.
Oh... and Todd has been running everyday, for every inch he loses, I gain. He does look really great but I refuse to tell him so because it sort of pisses me off right now. Granted, I don't want him to be sloppy but come on! Who the hell is he trying to impress?!
Well... enough ranting for today!
Happy birthday B and Nic! I love you so, so much.
Been there, girl! Know EXACTLY how you feel. Being pregnant doesn't just wreak havoc on our bodies. It makes us crazy with self-consciousness too!! :) And to make you feel better about those stretch marks.....Let's see. How can I put this? Mine are so bad that I have had people ask me if I had been burned by a fire or if my husband had beat me. That's how bad they are. Fortunately, I can cover them up most of the time...unless I go swimming. Just hang in there. It'll all be over before you know it.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, which song from my blog were you talking about? I have quite a few in that playlist, at the bottom of the blog.