A quote by Robert Frost.
Very fitting for today and the thoughts that have been floating around in this crazy, unpredictable mind I have!
It is quite simple isn't it? No matter what. No matter how big or how small. LIFE GOES ON. Chaos, hurt, fear, pain, love, laughter, miracles... these things effect each of us differently but at the end of the day, life goes on no matter how you feel. If I pray for the war to end, and the poor child in Iraq is praying for it to continue so he can walk his streets freely one day, who's prayer does God answer?
Even if a person selfishly ends their own life, no matter how much hurt they leave behind, no matter how much we think we can't go on or how we don't think we can bare the pain... eventually Life does go on.
The tragedy of Katrina and Rita, the tragedy of the tsunami, the tragedy of the earth quake in Haiti. We all feel it, it's raw right now but next week, it won't so raw. Next week the news will turn back to Tiger Woods or some other "none of our business" senseless media and the real tragedies won't be so tragic anymore, at least not for everyone like it is right now. Because life does go on, people turn the TV off, switch the radio station and go on about everyday life.
It's not all negative though. I don't mean that. It's a blessing that life goes on. The mistake I make today can be wiped away tomorrow. The fact that life does go on is a chance to start over, a chance to be better.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Little sister
It'll probably take years before you understand where I come from, why I am the way I am, why I drive you crazy and why I do the the things I do. It's not easy to explain the way I feel about you... I want so badly to see you happy and successful and I don't mean successful in the materialistic sense of the word. I want you to succeed in whatever you do. I want you to have every opportunity that life has to offer. I never want you to settle or take the easy way out. I want you to have all of the confidence in yourself that I have in you, I want you to go feet first into every turn your path offers up. I suppose that now that I have children my own, my feelings for you are much like that of a mothers for her child. Our age difference allows more room that feeling as opposed to the typical love/hate relationship most siblings share.
When it comes to being a big sister I seem to have a very bad case of "open mouth, insert foot" syndrome. I have this problem in general but it seems to really shine when it comes to my ability to play the big sister role.
Although I went through most of nearly 10 years ago it still feels like yesterday but I've gone through most of what you're encountering now. I've seen the excitement, the confusion, the hurt, the love, the pain, the adventures, the lust, the struggle, the lack of faith, the yearning to fit in. I've seen and felt it all to the absolute core. So in addition to my OMIF syndrome, I also have a case of "been there, done that - now let me tell you all about it and spare you the pain" which often equates to a whole lot of me talking and you silently wishing I would shut up and save it for someone else! Believe it or not, I do understand. Half the time I wish I could shut me up too. BUT... I do want to spare you all of the bad parts even when I know that the bad parts are what make us stronger and help us to grow.
I can't promise never to give my opinion again. Hell, I did that recently and just this afternoon there I went trying to insert help into your life again. I even caught myself mid-sentence and still couldn't stop myself. It was like I was mentally kicking myself in the butt and still, I just had to keep going. Again, I can't promise to keep my mouth shut but I can promise to try and I can promise you that no matter how much I mess up, no matter much I drive you crazy, I really never mean to hurt you. My lectures and/or speeches are not meant to hurt you, they're not even meant to tell you how to live your life. They are simply me trying to help you and when possible guide down the path with the least amount of unneccesary hurt.
At the end of the day, the end of every day I love you for who you are. I love you when make "stupid" decisions, I love you when you make great decision. I love you when you succeed and when you fail. I love your faults and I love your flaws. I love everything there is to love about you, good and bad. And just so you know, the good and the great, the beautiful and the caring in you all outweigh the flaws. You are an amazing little sister whom I will always admire more than words will be able to express.
Your strong will and stubborness drive me crazy but I love you. Your heart of gold is my weakness.
So at the end of today I am thanking God for you. I am thanking Mom and Dad for you.
I love you little sister...
Love, Sissy
When it comes to being a big sister I seem to have a very bad case of "open mouth, insert foot" syndrome. I have this problem in general but it seems to really shine when it comes to my ability to play the big sister role.
Although I went through most of nearly 10 years ago it still feels like yesterday but I've gone through most of what you're encountering now. I've seen the excitement, the confusion, the hurt, the love, the pain, the adventures, the lust, the struggle, the lack of faith, the yearning to fit in. I've seen and felt it all to the absolute core. So in addition to my OMIF syndrome, I also have a case of "been there, done that - now let me tell you all about it and spare you the pain" which often equates to a whole lot of me talking and you silently wishing I would shut up and save it for someone else! Believe it or not, I do understand. Half the time I wish I could shut me up too. BUT... I do want to spare you all of the bad parts even when I know that the bad parts are what make us stronger and help us to grow.
I can't promise never to give my opinion again. Hell, I did that recently and just this afternoon there I went trying to insert help into your life again. I even caught myself mid-sentence and still couldn't stop myself. It was like I was mentally kicking myself in the butt and still, I just had to keep going. Again, I can't promise to keep my mouth shut but I can promise to try and I can promise you that no matter how much I mess up, no matter much I drive you crazy, I really never mean to hurt you. My lectures and/or speeches are not meant to hurt you, they're not even meant to tell you how to live your life. They are simply me trying to help you and when possible guide down the path with the least amount of unneccesary hurt.
At the end of the day, the end of every day I love you for who you are. I love you when make "stupid" decisions, I love you when you make great decision. I love you when you succeed and when you fail. I love your faults and I love your flaws. I love everything there is to love about you, good and bad. And just so you know, the good and the great, the beautiful and the caring in you all outweigh the flaws. You are an amazing little sister whom I will always admire more than words will be able to express.
Your strong will and stubborness drive me crazy but I love you. Your heart of gold is my weakness.
So at the end of today I am thanking God for you. I am thanking Mom and Dad for you.
I love you little sister...
Love, Sissy
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Christmas 09
What a wonderful time of year! Family, great food, old friends, reflecting on a year of growth and most important... Baby Jesus' Birthday (as Grace and Todd say). Those first days of December brought on an overwhelming feeling of "Where do I begin?" I had to slow down and remind myself to enjoy this time and the season and the reason for it all. Although I'm usually finished Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving, this year I didn't even make my list until the second week in December. It all worked out though. I got to take a weekend trip with family to go shopping and spend some much needed family time. It's also Cameron's very first Christmas. This year has been so incredibly amazing on so many levels. Our girls are growing so fast. I can't remember if I blogged about this already but wanted to make sure I wrote it down so you may be reading this twice.
Grace's Christmas Wish List:
1. A real Dinosaur
2. A Treehouse "Like the one you have to climb a tree to get in"
Madison's Christmas Wish List:
1. Rudolph chapstick (or snowman if Santa runs out of Rudolph)
2. Hello Kitty Purse or anything Hello Kitty
3. Rudolph stuffed animal
Could we have two more differently programmed children? haha. These two crack me up to say the least.
Dad's Family
This year we did Christmas at Dad's. It was wonderful. We'd gone a few weeks earlier and me, the kids and Brandi decorated a tree Dad bought for us. We even put ribbon on the deer. The house looked great. It was the first Christmas we've had there since mom and dad seperated so it was really special for us. And although I think it may have been a little hard on Dad he was great and put on a happy face for us. All of the family was there. We passed out presents to the little kids and then played Dirty Santa. Aunt Mary made the best fudge and Christmas candy as usual and Aunt Paulette made an okra gumbo just for Todd for his birthday. Nicole and Meagan came and I was proud of them both. I'm sure Meg was a little uncomfortable at first but she did well. Eventually I gave her "Cameron Duty" so she wouldn't have to just stand there but all in all I think they had a good time too.
Mom's Family
We had Christmas at Aunt Kim and Uncle Russell's. This is always a great place for Christmas. ALL of the little kids love it there. Uncle Russ has a huge wooden swing that I swear can touch the top of the tree's and they have a smaller tree swing with a seat for the smaller kids. There's more yard then the kids can ask for and it's always pretty relaxed. I don't know how they do it, each year we add a new grandbaby to the family and soon even their yard won't be big enough for us, haha. I've always admired them for all they do and how involved they are. They really are good to all of us.
to be continued when kids aren't asking for 10 things :)
Grace's Christmas Wish List:
1. A real Dinosaur
2. A Treehouse "Like the one you have to climb a tree to get in"
Madison's Christmas Wish List:
1. Rudolph chapstick (or snowman if Santa runs out of Rudolph)
2. Hello Kitty Purse or anything Hello Kitty
3. Rudolph stuffed animal
Could we have two more differently programmed children? haha. These two crack me up to say the least.
Dad's Family
This year we did Christmas at Dad's. It was wonderful. We'd gone a few weeks earlier and me, the kids and Brandi decorated a tree Dad bought for us. We even put ribbon on the deer. The house looked great. It was the first Christmas we've had there since mom and dad seperated so it was really special for us. And although I think it may have been a little hard on Dad he was great and put on a happy face for us. All of the family was there. We passed out presents to the little kids and then played Dirty Santa. Aunt Mary made the best fudge and Christmas candy as usual and Aunt Paulette made an okra gumbo just for Todd for his birthday. Nicole and Meagan came and I was proud of them both. I'm sure Meg was a little uncomfortable at first but she did well. Eventually I gave her "Cameron Duty" so she wouldn't have to just stand there but all in all I think they had a good time too.
Mom's Family
We had Christmas at Aunt Kim and Uncle Russell's. This is always a great place for Christmas. ALL of the little kids love it there. Uncle Russ has a huge wooden swing that I swear can touch the top of the tree's and they have a smaller tree swing with a seat for the smaller kids. There's more yard then the kids can ask for and it's always pretty relaxed. I don't know how they do it, each year we add a new grandbaby to the family and soon even their yard won't be big enough for us, haha. I've always admired them for all they do and how involved they are. They really are good to all of us.
to be continued when kids aren't asking for 10 things :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Love, passion
is that feeling that you really can't explain. when it's real it sort of comes and goes, especially when you've loved someone for a long time. one day can be full of emotion and passion and yearning and the next day you may wake-up and wonder what the hell you're doing but no matter what, it's still love. you can't help who you love. you don't get to pick them from the tree hearts. and sometimes you even love the person you don't want to love. love is unexpected and crazy and fun and hard and exciting and frustrating. loving another person is hard because just as we change, the people we love change. the person you fall in love with will be a completely different person 5 years from now. i guess it proves that real love is loving a person for many things, not just one. the ability to love a person for their faults as well as the good they have to offer is what seperates love from puppy love. for example: you can't base your feelings for someone solely on physical attraction and call it love because what if that person is injured tomorrow and there physical attraction is no longer there? what will you have to love?
is that feeling in your finger tips when you touch a person. you know that feeling of absolute tingling that you can feel down in your toes? its that kiss they share on T.V. and when it happens you think "wow, i thought that only happened in movies." its a crazy desire to yell out a persons name at the most inopportune times. its when a person puts there hand on your shoulder and your skin warms. this feeling, too, comes and goes. one day a touch can feel like fire and the next it's cold and weathered.
isn't it amazing how we're filled with so many feelings and emotions? i can remember in my highschool and early college years wishing for the cliff notes of life and love. today, I am very thankful that some wishes don't come true. the puppy loves, borken hearts and pitfalls of life really do count. we do need them afterall. every experience, even though at the time I may have wished for them to go away, have rounded me into who I am.
is that feeling in your finger tips when you touch a person. you know that feeling of absolute tingling that you can feel down in your toes? its that kiss they share on T.V. and when it happens you think "wow, i thought that only happened in movies." its a crazy desire to yell out a persons name at the most inopportune times. its when a person puts there hand on your shoulder and your skin warms. this feeling, too, comes and goes. one day a touch can feel like fire and the next it's cold and weathered.
isn't it amazing how we're filled with so many feelings and emotions? i can remember in my highschool and early college years wishing for the cliff notes of life and love. today, I am very thankful that some wishes don't come true. the puppy loves, borken hearts and pitfalls of life really do count. we do need them afterall. every experience, even though at the time I may have wished for them to go away, have rounded me into who I am.
Making a better me...
1. start reading the bible with Grace before bed again
2. wake-up at 5 a.m
3. take vitamins
4. worry less
5. listen to my heart every day
6. exercise
7. eat healthy
8. save more
9. pray for patience daily
10. make a to-do list and actually use it
11. quit smoking (do that thing mom did)
12. stock my fridge with Little Black Dress pinot grigio
13. dance in the rain
14. buy one serving peice a month
15. plan a trip to the beach
16. finish my life letters
17. create a new song list and make a CD for my car so that I can smile every morning on my way to work
to be continued...
2. wake-up at 5 a.m
3. take vitamins
4. worry less
5. listen to my heart every day
6. exercise
7. eat healthy
8. save more
9. pray for patience daily
10. make a to-do list and actually use it
11. quit smoking (do that thing mom did)
12. stock my fridge with Little Black Dress pinot grigio
13. dance in the rain
14. buy one serving peice a month
15. plan a trip to the beach
16. finish my life letters
17. create a new song list and make a CD for my car so that I can smile every morning on my way to work
to be continued...
My day.
Amazing…
Today I took the girls shopping, they got to make a list for the people they wanted to buy gifts for then went and they got to pick presents for the people on their list. They were able to pick whatever they wanted. I only offered advice when they asked for it. It was amazing to watch and listen to the generosity Madison has in her. With each person she checked off, she added another name to the list. Grace, while in the shopping mood and happy about picking out presents, leaned more towards presents that could be shared with her . Shopping with a 4 year old and 5 year three days before Christmas offered a chance to laugh and plenty of opportunities to pull my hair out! I had to remind myself through clinched teeth to breathe and relax. They argued about who got to pick out presents first, which isle had better choices, who was going to check out first, who would open the car door first, etc… Grace was thirsty, Maddie was mad because Grace was taking too long and in the end, we made it to the car in one piece, everyone checked off the list. We stopped for ice cream afterward and few last minute gifts I needed to pick up. We came home and after 20 minutes of hiding in the guest bedroom, I had mustered enough sanity to emerge again for round two so we could wrap presents!
The presents were funny, they range from a whoopy cushion to a very funky diamond studded headband. The best part is the wrapping. Each got to pick their own wrapping paper and had their own tape dispenser. I pre-cut the paper and they went to town wrapping. Now they’re at Cart Ranch with Todd. The perfect ending to a very bumpy and fun day!
My second wonder… Cameron! Belly laughs and rolling around on the floor. That kid can make you smile even on the hardest of days. He’s like a small snowman or a jolly santa clause. You say “boo” and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. I put him to bed about 30 minutes ago. As I got up to lay him in his bed I couldn’t help but smother him with kisses and rub my lips on his soft, fuzzy hair. He’s grown so fast that I find myself staring at him in amazement. I still wake up and put my hand on his chest to make sure he’s breathing. He looks so much like Todd and Madison that it’s scary. He’s got dimples in his cheeks and right under his eyes when he smiles.
Today I took the girls shopping, they got to make a list for the people they wanted to buy gifts for then went and they got to pick presents for the people on their list. They were able to pick whatever they wanted. I only offered advice when they asked for it. It was amazing to watch and listen to the generosity Madison has in her. With each person she checked off, she added another name to the list. Grace, while in the shopping mood and happy about picking out presents, leaned more towards presents that could be shared with her . Shopping with a 4 year old and 5 year three days before Christmas offered a chance to laugh and plenty of opportunities to pull my hair out! I had to remind myself through clinched teeth to breathe and relax. They argued about who got to pick out presents first, which isle had better choices, who was going to check out first, who would open the car door first, etc… Grace was thirsty, Maddie was mad because Grace was taking too long and in the end, we made it to the car in one piece, everyone checked off the list. We stopped for ice cream afterward and few last minute gifts I needed to pick up. We came home and after 20 minutes of hiding in the guest bedroom, I had mustered enough sanity to emerge again for round two so we could wrap presents!
The presents were funny, they range from a whoopy cushion to a very funky diamond studded headband. The best part is the wrapping. Each got to pick their own wrapping paper and had their own tape dispenser. I pre-cut the paper and they went to town wrapping. Now they’re at Cart Ranch with Todd. The perfect ending to a very bumpy and fun day!
My second wonder… Cameron! Belly laughs and rolling around on the floor. That kid can make you smile even on the hardest of days. He’s like a small snowman or a jolly santa clause. You say “boo” and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. I put him to bed about 30 minutes ago. As I got up to lay him in his bed I couldn’t help but smother him with kisses and rub my lips on his soft, fuzzy hair. He’s grown so fast that I find myself staring at him in amazement. I still wake up and put my hand on his chest to make sure he’s breathing. He looks so much like Todd and Madison that it’s scary. He’s got dimples in his cheeks and right under his eyes when he smiles.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Turkey, Ham, Family and many THANKS!
We had an early Thanksgiving at Uncle Johnny and Aunt Shannon's. Uncle John, Leigh and Claire came too. My girls followed them around everywhere. Uncle John cooked gumbo that was better than any I've tasted. Maddie and Grace each had two bowls. The weather was perfect and Cameron was happy that there were no pumpkins at Aunt Shannon's! (last time we put him in a pumpkin for his 1st Halloween picture)
Thanksgiving Day: We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. All of the family came to visit, the kids played and painted Christmas ornaments. As usual Aunt Nancy's ham was to die for, Aunt Paulette's corn had me at hello, all of Aunt Mary's mississippi mud pie was gone within 5 minutes, Angie's sweet potato casserole was heaven sent for Todd.
There was a moment when I looked around at all of the kids running through the house, the women looking at Black Friday sale papers and the guys outside talking about the weather, hunting and only God knows what else... and my heart smiled. I'm grown up and I have an amazing life filled with the most amazing people. I have more to be thankful for than I could have ever hoped for!
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