I didn't even know...

God sent someone into my life quite sometime ago but it wasn't until a few months ago that I realized how important she would become in my life. When I talk about acceptance, she's one that takes me as I am. She's funny, and smart, beautiful, LOUD, petite, quirky, loving and compassionate. She's full of life and she's busy, she's all over the place and yet right where you need her to be when it's most important. At first glance she can leave you feeling uneasy but it's just because her "filter" isn't always working. :)

I didn't always see what I see right now. I didn't always see just how amazing she was. A year ago I went through a really tough time. She was there, she listened and she let me cry. She encouraged me to move forward. She was there even when I didnt know I needed someone. She didn't jump on the band wagon when everyone else did, she sat there and told me what I was meant to hear not what I wanted to hear. She saved my marriage and she made me a better person. And although I knew I was "lucky" back then, I didnt fully understand it until now.

So... not everyone will "get" her or her ways although she'll never notice or care because it's not that important to her. But she's been wonderful to me, she's been great to me, she knew something was wrong when no one else did. I didn't have to tell her, she already knew.

~Thank You Amy

My journey to spirituality

I've started reading the bible for the first time in 28 years. I was raised baptist and catholic although we didn't attend church. I did attend the occasional bible school class though. As I got older and went to private school for the later of my high school years, I started to steer clear of religion because I simply didn't believe/agree with it. I still harbor some of those feelings today about some but that's neither here nor there.

I'm reading the bible and it's great. I read to Grace every night before bed and because her school is based on God's word, she always has comments or things to add which is great. I digress... In addition to reading the bible I've started keeping a prayer journal. I started this journal following a conversation I'd had with a friend of mine, Missy, one night. That journal has been my saving Grace. I'm not good at praying, can't lead a group of people in prayer without choking or skipping important words but I'm working on it. This journal is my personal relationship with God. I can pray for whomever I want to. I can pray for small things, big little, happy things, sad things. I can simply pray.

When I say my life has changed, I mean it really has changed. There was a time, not that long ago when I was first to jump on the gossip band wagon, it's not so satisfying anymore. I used to be the first to add a curse word to add color to my stories, it doesn't seem to help as much anymore. I was the first to judge a person's ugly shoe's or ill-fitted shirt but it doesn't seem worth it anymore. It seems like all of the negative is going away. This life really is short and even more than it is short, it is precious and I don't want to waste my time arguing, fighting, gossiping and complaining. I have so much to be thankful for and when I can't figure it out or accept it, I pray about it. I replaced the weekly complain/bash sessions with prayer. I write it down and I ask God to help me. I ask him to guide and when necessary I ask him to give me the words I need.

I'm not perfect... I still slip up and I do so more often than not but I'm better at catching myself and stopping before it goes to far. I am better to shifting the negative conversations to positive stuff or just removing myself from it all together.

My relationships have changed. I was a person that wanted to be loved by everyone and sometimes I would exert so much energy trying to be a good person or the person other people needed in order to prove myself that I neglected the people that loved me just the way I was. I've learned to step away and do my best to live my life according to God's standard and no one else's. If I'm not the person you need, want and/or expect, that's ok with me now. I wish you the best of luck in the finding the person that is. And if you don't and you're willing to settle, I'll be there when you need.

God has opened my eyes to the people that really do love me. The people that want me to be a better person in his eye's. The people that accept me the way that I am are ok with the changes I've made in my life. He also helped me to accept that sometimes you have to let go of the people you thought would be there forever. My door will always be open to them but I'm better if I let go of any expectations I may have had.

That's all for now...

My secrets - cont'd

I love wearing socks withOUT shoes.

I love to sit on the floor in the shower and just think! In fact, when I was pregnant I would actually bring books into the shower because I couldnt sleep!

I smoke. I wish I didnt and I'm praying to quit but for now, I smoke.

Sometimes when ice falls out of the freezer, I kick it under the fridge instead of putting it in the sink!

Cleaning house is a stress reliever for me.

I am an organized mess!

I will change my kids clothes 4 times in a row if I don't like what I just picked out for them!

I love the way strawberries smell but can't stand the taste.

I like the cheap brand of neopolitan ice cream but won't eat the expensive kind.

Despite my efforts, I am sometimes too judgmental.

For the first time in 28 years I am reading the bible and I love it.

When I was little I stole a necklace from my friends house and gave it to my mom for Christmas. (terrible I know). Obviously mom knew I did NOT buy a gold herringbone chain on my allowance so I had to apologize and return the necklace!

I recently learned just how terrible I was as a friend sometimes. I'm trying to be better.

Wow... It's been a while!

Cameron is 3 months old. He's laughing out loud, has a smile that can melt your heart, dimples to die for and the prettiest blue eyes... He's my baby boy and I had no idea he's capture my heart this way or that I'd even be able to love yet another child as much as I did the first two! How lucky am I?

Maddie is growing up so much. She was playing school this weekend and I overheard her telling the other teacher (grace) that one of her students parents were so hard to get in touch with that she even had to email them! Yes... you heard me right!

Grace, well she's still Grace. She's doing well in school, still making me laugh. Tonight at dinner she looked at me and said "Kristie, I have to tell you something..." Yes - she did in fact refer to me as Kristie. I looked at her with an obvious face of shock and told her that I was not Kristie, I was mom!!!! To which she replied "So that means I can't call your Kristie anymore?" What the heck?!

Marriage is bliss and it's funny because I really mean that. I couldn't ask for anything more and I couldnt be happier if I had mapped it out myself.

God is good and prayer is therapy for the soul...

A new kind of life

Cameron is 6 weeks old today! Time has flown which is amazing considering how the nine months of pregnancy seemed to pass at snails speed. He's smiling and cooing and his personality is starting to show along with the leaps and bounds of his growth.

Grace had her best day yet at school today. It's been a challange to get into the "groove" of her new school but one that I am very blessed to have crossed paths with. We're learning a whole new way of parenting and while I don't think we were doing a bad job before, we're definently on the right track now.

Maddie is loving Kindergarden, she's so smart and such a great big sister. She's older now and Grace isn't as fun as she used to be. A 4 year old wants to borrow toys, and play with everything you're playing with at the exact same time so... we're also learning patience as two girls, only 18 months apart, can be a bit tiring at times!

Todd and I are wonderful. Sure we have our moments but in the grand scheme of things, this feeling of completeness in our family has brought us together.

Life is good and only getting better.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Cameron Joseph! One month old already. Time is passing so quickly that I sometimes want to freeze you so you'll stay exactly the way you are right now. Since that won't work I just get teary eyed from time to time. In just one month you've gone from tiny (well at 8 lbs you weren't so "tiny") and fragile to strong and quite bossy to be honest!

You are so loved. Grace and Madison can't get enough of you. Maddie wants to feed you and love you and watch you sleep. She's such a great big sister. She was the same way when Grace was born and it's the sweetest thing ever. Grace on the other hand wants to lay on you, pinch your toes and bit your hands. All out of love of course!

I find myself wondering who, if either of them, you'll take after. Will you be laid back like Madison or wild like Grace? Will you favor your dad or me when you're older? Left or right handed?

Your eye lashes are getting so long. When you smile big (usually from gas) your dimples show. You have two which you get from your daddy because I only have one. Speaking of smiling... you started smiling for more than just gas, you love laying on the changing table and Aunt Sue and Kennedy gave you a really cool stuffed monkey that's right next to it and you stare at it every time I lay you down.

You get excited when I talk to you which makes me feel like the most special person in world. And if only you could hear the way your daddy brags about you...

You've completed our family and we're so very grateful that you are ours.

Love,

Mom

Wow... Is it really August already?

So... I know three weeks ago I was praying for time to pass by quickly but now I'd like to put in my request for time to slow down again! (Can I do that? haha) Grace starts school in 9 days, she's going to BIG GIRL school and she reminds me everyday of just how big she is now! Cameron is growing so fast I'm beginning to think someone is sprinkling fertilizer on his butt at night!

Two of my life's major events are happening just weeks from each other! My "baby" is going to school and our first boy was born. I feel overwhelmed and happy all at the same time. Nine days certainly isn't enough time to get into a routine, at least not one that Cameron is going to cooperate with so... I'll be left to my own devices as far as Todd and Grace go. And believe me... getting those two into a routine will be a job all in itself! I've set Grace's bedtime and made it clear that today was "D" day and she had to follow the Big Girl School Rules are they weren't going to let her in! So... today I'll be on a mission to get her some new Big Girl PJ's made just for her bed (yes, she's bee cuddling with Todd & I for almost 3 years!) and a very short bedtime movie that we can watch together. Oddly enough, I'll also be coaxing Daddy to get to bed early because he's been a bit of a night owl lately and needs his beauty rest just as much since he's doing the picking up and dropping off these days!

Wish us luck.... :)